The sun is shining, I have my armoury of dresses and K-middy heels, and I am hungry for the season of champagne toasts - topped off with some embarrassing aunt dancing - that comes round every summer.
A wedding has to meet three criteria to get my seal of approval. Firstly, I am into the "wham, bam, thank you mam" timings. No hanging around, no milling for hours before you've had even a sniff of a canape. Get on with it, get to the dancing and leave us wanting more. Secondly, don't make me give a speech or do any form of reading. Even despite the Violet Elizabeth Bott lisp, I've made Keats roll in his grave by wading through "Bright Shhhttar" on more than one occasion. No need.
Thirdly, don't make me donate to a honeymoon fund (i.e. pay off your overdraft) or buy a present off a list. I know you have been living in sin with a fully equipped house for years, and I know that you might actually prefer a tandem parachute jump or to swim with dolphins but I don't care. I want to give you an actually wrapped present that you will feel duty bound to wheel out every time I come round. Hopefully something that you actually like and says something about my connection to you and which took a little more thought than just making a bank transfer. Rant over.
With this in mind, I thought I would flag up three items on our site that I think make perfect wedding gifts. Bearing in mind that most weddings already require travel and board and a new outfit, they are well within the "reasonable" price bracket and I am confident that they will be something that the happy couple won't already own.
1) His and her's gin kit
Nothing goes hand in hand like married life and a stiff drink, right? We have put together a deluxe gin kit enabling both his and her's blends of gin. Winner.
2) A chef's knife forged in Peckham
If the couple are even remotely foodie and live in London, this is a must. It is slightly niche but I don't think there are many keen cooks that would object to being given a super sharp knife, particularly one with such great provenance. We promise not to include the heart.
3) Opinel steak knives
We are in classic gift territory here. These are the kind of things that just don't date and will be used regularly. Plus they have the advantage of not being necessarily the kind of thing you think to buy for yourself. I reckon even vegetarians will welcome them to get through even the toughest mushroom with ease.
All gifts can be sent direct to the recipient, beautifully boxed and with a note sending your best wishes. Not having to lug it via public transport all the way up to Aberystwyth will save you at least five points on the stressometer. There are old wives tales about giving knives as gifts. For anyone particularly superstitious, we can attach a penny to the knife that - apparently - negates any issues. We will also cast a spell on it too if you'd like.